I plan to finally begin writing before Monday, which I’m really excited for, but also strangely nervous. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, bue one of the reasons I’m so nervous is because if I don’t write then I don’t have to face whether I’m any good or not. Of course I want to be, but there’s a difference between the writer in my head and when I actually write. That’s also why I’m only doing the first draft, though, because like I said it’s not expected to be the next Gatsby or Fault in Our Stars.
But I’ve talked enough about that. Right now I want to write out my nerves about the pitch. I seriously doubt there are many people reading this who don’t know what I’m talking about, but should you need an explanation: the pitch is where we put together a tri-fold poster board (yes, the science fair kind) and stand around with it after school in the cafeteria and answer questions from too many people that you don’t know. I expect it to be just as fun as it sounds. It is better than what I thought it would be though. When I first heard about it I freaked out and actually thought about just skipping out on the assignment, since I thought we’d all take turns getting up and talking in front of everyone. Then I found out that all I had to was stand around and only maybe talk to people (and of course that it’d be worth 100 points). So I figured it wouldn’t be that bad.
The second (or first, I should say,) is to pitch it to your teacher, which I’m really not looking forward to since I get the feeling you’re supposed be able to talk about your project for more that 30 seconds. I mean what am I supposed to talk about? All I can think to say is “Uhh yeah so I’m gonna write a book?” Even then it’s not even a book, it’s just the first draft of one. I mean I guess I could talk about that, too. Do I mention the story? The characters? How do I do that when I haven’t even found the right way to explain it to myself out loud? It might sound weird but when I write it’s I’m just describing things I see play out in my head, and it’s all just a feeling i’m pulling the words from. Like you know how it looks in the Harry Potter movies when they pull out memories from their heads and put it into that cauldron thing in Dumbledore’s office? It kind of feels like that. Like that feeling is flowing from my fingers through the keyboard and onto the page. Like I can feel the words popping out of thin air like the letters do behind the blinking cursor. How do I explain that to a bunch of random people asking me questions?
Now that I read it back it sounds really stupid, but that’s the best way I can think to describe it. But I do feel better after writing it, so I don’t think I want to delete it. I mean writing it all has given me a few ideas of what I can talk about. What I love about writing, why it’s just the first draft, how it feels to write? I don’t know.
What I do know is that this blog post is almost a week overdue and it’s already way too long, so I’m gonna cut it short here. I’m out.